Oooh I Like It When You Touch Me There!

Ahh this touchy subject….literally…

The time you lost your virginity. When everything was confusing.

The feeling was amazing….

The feeling was painful….

When girls spiel “I love you” for no damn reason…

When guys can’t handle her spiel…

The awkwardness and wondering when it will stop being awkward….

When a girl runs and shares wit her homegirls all the details…

When a boy fronts and tells his boys half the truth about it…

That’s right ladies and gents this post is all about SEX!

Queue song!

 

Okay no seriously….I remember my first time. It was fun when I was in the moment, but looking back at it I wish I waited a little longer. Don’t you hate that? When you almost regret something because your mind wasn’t mature enough to make the right decision….

Yeah sooo sadly I grew up in a home where the birds and the bees was not discussed. My dad passed away when I was 3, so all I had was my mom. She has been in and out of relationships trying to figure out her own life that she couldn’t even teach me or my brother the ropes of sex. My brother might have learned from friends or my uncle(s), or maybe even figured it out on his own. I on the other hand had to ride solo….

I was unfortunately 14 years old when I lost my virginity. Yikes. Yeah I know. Silly me. But that is the type of freedom I had. 

I had to have had some type of attraction to him if it happened right? Sometimes we forget that is also a key to a healthy sex life. If you aren’t attracted to that person, then you won’t put in the effort, time and patience it takes to please a person.

I was also never the type of girl to masturbate. I got my kicks off only by boys. I heard about it and even watched porn a time or two. That was just one thing I couldn’t do.

Anywho…..

During the moment, in my on again off again relationship, it was fun. The first time hurt but at the same time it hurts for everyone right? When I turned 16, I looked back at life and realized it was nothing serious. He was a boyfriend and had influenced me, yet I was destined to try it. Then it became a regular thing for a couple years even when we wasn’t together….

My mom had found out by someone on the streets, but by then what could she say? It was too late….

She tried to be a cool mom and meddle in my life…she sat me down and asked me Q’s like “So was it good?” “Did you cry?” “Are you using protection?” I felt embarrassed because I didn’t want her to know my business. I just told her it was okay.

Fast forward in my existence…….

I fell in love a few times along the way. I am 26 and so far I only been IN LOVE like real love about 3 times…each starting after I was 17.

I learned as I grew up how to become better or worse when it comes to having sex lol

It is one of the most important discussions I think people should have with their children…

I know I will have it with my own as soon as they reach maybe 12.

Okay time for the nitty gritty…

I am a woman so I can only speak off of what I feel and things I hear, etc.

When a woman has sex with someone she loves normally she puts her all into it. Forget who she been with and if there is any trauma. Every partner is almost like starting over.

At least it is for me….

Some women enjoy sex more than others and some just can live without.

I was once a woman that enjoyed it, but too much of it makes me bored.

Now I enjoy it more than my bf does at times…it’s like he can’t handle alll of dis…

Some men have high libido and some have low.

Same as with women.

I think my libido is high because I am 26…pushing 30.

Meanwhile sometimes I feel like my bf libido can be adjusted. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes its down. But I am the teammate so I play my part.

It also goes without saying that in your 20’s you have a lot more fun. ;). I am 9 years younger than him so I expect things to be different. While being 26 is me figuring out the world, he seems to think he has the world figured out already.

But if a man’s libido is down, does that mean he can’t seek help for it?

Same with women…if women feel their body changing should she just pretend it is normal?

But aside from boring facts…..let’s discuss men and stereotypes.

The one stereotype that always gets me is when a man sleeps with 10x the amount of women, he is accommodated for by his friends….

but let a woman do the same and she is a slut. If so, then so are men.

If a man tells a woman her sex game is trash, that’s acceptable right….but when she tells him his dick game is trash he raises the roof, sets it on fire and causes hell (not literally but you know)

In society, it hurts a man to hear his dick game is whack…..it makes him cheat, makes him not want to have sex with her anymore and so forth. His ego is shot for the moment. He can’t take the stab.

Sex is meant to be worked together as a team. Everything in relationships is a team.

Unless it isn’t a relationship….

FWB: Friends with Benefits…..the actual name. And this movie was freakin awesome! Sometimes even FWB is hard because someone usually falls for the other. This is when sex is meaningless.

I am at a point in my life where I get straight to the point. So I end up saying things like:

With my bf of course. Get right to the point.

Sex to me is important in my relationships. Especially since I am a monogamous woman. If something isn’t right, I am going to discuss it and hopefully we can move forward like adults do and fix it.

I remember when sex used to have meaning even in the songs we listen to. In the 90’s (my favorite generation), there was actual love songs…

R. Kelly, Usher, TLC, Monica, Aaliyah, Brandy, Keith Sweat, 112, Blackstreet, Avant, Faith Evans, Genuine, of course  – Salt and Pepper, and more.

Could never turn on the radio at midnight and not expect to hear any of these songs.

Nice and Slow, Red Light Special, Rock the Boat, Nobody, Cupid, Pony, Differences, Half on a Baby….I can continue but then my blog post would be over 2,000 words. You get it!

Even though I was very young, it taught even young people that sex should be slow and passionate and you should love the person you are doing it with….

Until we reach the Y2k…..

It got right to the point….no more loving a woman down the right way, no romance. Straight hit it and quit it or excuse my language….fucking. Straight pound her til she gets one off and then a man gets his off and move on.

No more take your time with it.

Although some artists tried to keep it slow such as Ne-yo, Trey Songz, Chris Brown and Usher…..but there were many that just got to it…

Rihanna, Nicki, Lil Wayne, Ray J etc.

I LOVE me some Rihanna!! All her albums after her first one has become all about sex. Her music is catchy and she has some great beats.

But kuddos to the few trying to bring real R&B back…

My current song is Pillow Talk by Zahn.

*Phew* This post was real and almost hard to talk about…

What was your 1st sexual experience like? Did you regret it? Enjoy it? Are you a nympho? Can you go without sex? Is it important to you? Are you monogamous or polygamous? 

Catch some Shade anytime of the day! Follow Shade on Facebook:www.facebook.com/shadebutnoshade